Hook, line, and sinker

I can't believe how many people actually believed that I was engaged to some Thai girl! Behold, the power of the written word. The key to a good lie is the subtle hints. To just bust out and say, "Look at me, I asked a Thai girl to marry me!" is too bold, too fast. Instead, you must be rather coy, mixing broad ideas and accute details. Anyway... good times.

UPDATE: Tow Rai

Tow Rai was trampled by an elephant on her way to Pai. She's dead. I didn't really like her that much, anyway.

The truth is that I was getting even with Mom, who sent me no less than ten emails containing bird flu warnings, causing minor paranoia. I thought I would just pass on a little paranoia her way in the form of a mystery fiance named "How Much?" It worked, we're even, and I assure you there will be no more crying wolf. The next time I say I have a fiance, it will be real... and she'll be Russian... delivered by UPS.

So, I'm back home after a lot of flying. Tired. Will write more later, but I'm back.

And so it ends...

We're back in Bangkok, taking care of all that pesky paperwork. Looks like it will be at least 6 to 8 months before Tow Rai can come to America. So, tonight she will head back to Pai and play the waiting game. As for me, I have checked into the Siam Oriental Inn on Kho San Road. Basically, I'm just using it for a place to shower and store my stuff until I leave for the airport at 3:30am. This morning, before coming here, we took a ride on the Death Railway which offered some interesting sites of the river and the countryside, and then hopped on two busses back to Bangkok. This area of town is backpacker central, so it'll be good for those last minute things I want to pick up. Anyway, it's been a great trip. Tonight, as per my fear of flying, I will stay up all night, probably have a couple drinks, and attempt to pass out on the plane as soon as I sit down. Cheers.

The Bridge on the River Kwai

After a comfortable overnight train trip from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, I made my way to the bus station at some rediculous hour in the morning to catch the next ride out to Kanchanaburi. I'm traveling with my new fiance, now, and it was a real pain trying to convince Tow Rai that seeing the bridge on the River Kwai was going to be a fun experience. Kanchanaburi isn't really worth more than a night's stay, but I will be able to work in all four things that I wanted to do: see the bridge, see the cemetery, see the museum, and ride the death railway. The museum (the new one) is Smithsonian-good. Unbelievable. There really is no need to visit the town's other two crappy museums, especially since this new one is right across the street from the cemetery - very nice, as well. Walking to the actual bridge took about 40 minutes (somebody isn't pleased with me right now). The bridge is great, but it's flanked on all sides by cheap trinkets. What amazes me is that they all sell the same damn thing... how do they make any money? Most of it is horrible jewlery and carved elephants. But, like I said, the bridge is kind of fun, especially after visiting the museum and cemetery. Tomorrow, after we ride the death railway, it's back to Bangkok for the night where I face a rather daunting amount of legal paperwork (though, if I keep up these crazy travel hours and long walks, it may be unnecessery). Kho San Road is the choice for lodging, but the guest house doesn't really matter. It's going to be an all-nighter as I plan to stay awake through the wee hours before going to the airport at 3:30am for my 6am flight. It sounds bad, but it helps get me back on U.S.A. time. Other than that, the trip is almost over and, of course, I really feel like I've hit my travel groove over the last several days. Oh well, that's the way it works.

Still in Pai

Yesterday I rented a moped and tooled around this great little mountain town, visiting a temple, some hot springs (80 degrees celcius!), a waterfall, and a Chinese refuge. It's pretty basic Thailand stuff, but it managed to fill the day. In the evening, after gorging on more Pad Thai, I ended up at an open mic night, and performed three songs. Fortunately, there was no monitor for the musician, so I couldn't hear how bad I must've sounded. That being said, the guy who runs the open mic night asked me to come back tonight... so, either I wasn't all that bad, or they really need musicians to pass the time. Today, my only plan is to do nothing - perhaps read a little. I may even walk up to the temple on the hill, but that will take some serious inspiration. With only a few days to go until I return, my plan is to spend the night here in Pai tonight, then bus it back to Chiang Mai tomorrow in time to catch my overnight train to Bangkok. Upon arriving in Bangkok, I will then hop on another bus for Kanchanaburi, spending one night on a river guest house and taking in all the WWII sights. The next day, I will go back to Bangkok, put my stuff in storage, party on Khoa San Road, stay up all night, and be at the airport around 4am to catch my flight at 6. So, the next few days will be crazy, but lots of fun. Should be back on the evening of the 29th. Go White Sox.

Pai (pronounced "bye")

This morning I started thinking about this question: are third world countries disorganized and lacking for logic because they are poor, or are they poor because they are disorganized and lacking for logic? The catylist for this thought came as I stood waiting for my bus to Pai, a small mountain village 3.5 hours away from Chiang Mai. Like the bus stations in, say, Ecuador, the bus station in Chiang Mai was chaos on top of madness. Paper flies everywhere, tickets are sort of haphazard, and there's barely a place to sit down among all the food stands and markets. Really, it's quite fun and full of energy. A Grayhound station in the states may be efficient and organized, but it is usually a sad, cold, lifeless environment. If we could somehow combine the best parts of both of these styles, we'd be in business. However, I was in Chiang Mai and paying more attention to the chaos, rather than the fun. Eventually, I somehow managed to get a bus ticket. Let it be known that the bus to Pai is not the finest piece of machinery ever built. In fact, it ranks right up there with the model T. Thrown onto this heap in huddled masses (yearning to be free), we are cooled only by open windows and actual fans bolted to the ceiling. I could go on and on about this bus, but it would serve no purpose. Besides, one is too busy concentrating on not adding projectile vomit to the mix as we move around the mountains like a snake. But, through it all, the views are spectacular, and a fun little village waits at the top... where I couldn't get a guest room for a rather long time. Many of the accomodations were wiped away by August and September flooding - skeletons of the old inns rest along the banks of the river. A Canadian couple eventually took me over to the house they are staying in and hooked me up with a room. It's nothing special, but it beats walking around in the heat with a rucksack, daypack, and (sigh) garment bag. Anyway, should be about three days in Pai before my overnight train to Bangkok. The theme for the next three nights is to perfect the art of chilling out --- learning the craft through my own unique, logical manner of dissection... which is to be totally UNchill.

Lothar of the Hill People

Hello! I am Lothar, of the Hill People! Just returned from the jungle of northern Thailand where we made several hours worth of treks - we being me, a couple from New York City, and our two guides. Along with those treks, we rode elephants (both ultra touristy AND cruel), ate several amazing meals (the grandest being the veggie dinner cooked by our guide), rode bamboo rafts down the river (touristy in a Disneyland kind of way, photo waiting for you at the finish), happened upon two snakes (please send new underwear), and saw some great scenery. Best, however, was the night we spent in the Karen Hill Tribe village, high in the mountains. Sleeping in a guesthouse of sorts on flat bamboo and light bedding, we enjoyed the fresh, cool, mountain air and enjoyed hanging out with our gracious hosts. There was no electricity up there, so we dined (on our heap of food) by cnadlelight, and then spent the rest of the early evening by the campfire. The second eldest of the host family walked down to the main village to grab a guitar, and Ban, the main guide, and I took turns playing songs. Somde, our sherpa of sorts, sang along to everything and actually knew three or four words. Now, back in Chiang Mai, I checked back into my guest house, cleaned up, and went for my third fitting for my big purchase: 2 suits, 2 shirts, and 2 ties. All for $225... which isn't a tremendous deal, but still very very good, especially considering that I got to choose the fabric and had everything measured to me. And, so long as I was becoming Mr. Fashion Nerd with my light brown and dark navy suits, I had my two custom shirts made for cuff links. I figure I can get a nice dress shirt anywhere, so I might as well make these special. The ties will be chosen tonight when I go back for the final fitting. Needless to say, it has been an interesting experience. I only dread having to cart this stuff back to the states in one piece. Anyway, that's it from here. Tomorrow it is on to the mountain backpacker town of Pai for about three nights. Cheers.

Chiang Mai

Ahhhhh... it's hard to believe that I had to find relaxation, not at the beach, but, rather, in the city. For as much fun and sun as I had on Samui, I simply could not escape the development and commercialism. Here in Thailand's north, in Chiang Mai, life is easy. Yes, it's a big city, but the people are friendly, they talk slowly, and it's easy to get around on foot. After arriving yesterday, I checked into the Eagle House No. 2, a great little guest house close to all the action. I wandered around a bit, and then went on a search for the pants they give you to put on when you get a massage. I could live in those things. I was asking around for a Tesco supermarket, where I heard they could be found, when a nice older woman explained that I could find them just as easily at the famous Chiang Mai night market. She was heading that way on her moped, so she gave me a lift. Inside, this place has everything - including the pants. So, now I'm stocked up. Seriously, the answer to world peace is for the entire planet to stop what they are doing, put on a pair of these pants, and drink tea. In about an hour's time, we'll be less intereted in bombing each other, and more into the idea of just sitting around. Of course, industry will fail, but at least we'll all be comfortable as we watch the downfall. Anyway, lighting and rain knocked out power briefly in the bazaar, so they just lit candles as we walked around. No biggie. When the rain stopped, I walked back to my place, changed, and had a nice Thai dinner in town, watched some Champions League soccer (Man U vs Lille), and then crashed out early for the night... still need sleep from the Full Moon Party. The plan from here out is to explore the town a little more today, a two-day hill trek starting tomorrow, three days being mellow in the town of Pai, an overnight train to Bangkok, a day-trip to the River Kwai bridge, and then home... to the ol' grind. Anyway, this could be my last update until I get back from the hill trek. Cheers. Oh, and happy birthday, Drew.

9am at the Samui Airport

This place is great... it looks like it was built by the gang on Gilligan's Island. Seriously, the entire airport is open-air, thatched-roof huts. Anyway, last night was the big Full Moon Party on Ko Pah Ngan. Shuttled over there from Samui with mind-boggling efficiency, I arrived around 9:30pm. At that time, things were still rather tame despite the fact that buckets were moving like they were going out of style. Here, on Samui, most drinks are had via the bucket... ice, a Red Bull-like product, coke or sprite, and a mini bottle of some local booze. They drop a bunch of straws in there and multiple people can share the cough syrup. Needless to say, it was knocking people on their ass. By 3am, there were hundreds (yes, HUNDREDS) or people passed out on the beach. Most were still drinking and dancing to the loud, thumping, music, but it looked like a giant game of last man standing. With thousands of people spread out over Hat Rin beach, the party was still going until 8am. I, however, left on the 5am ferry back to Samui. I was warned that if you do not use drugs, it's a really bad time, but I have to say that I rather enjoyed it. Great people watching... flame twirlers, glow paint, madness. At one point, a group was hudled over a guy laying on the beach. Ï asked some European guy what happened. "He fell. He has taken drugs." Thanks, Captain Obvious. This was the scene. Now, as I sit at this perfect airport in paradise, I am on my way north to Chiang Mai. If part one of this trip was ocean, tourism, and party - part two will be mountains, real people, and zen. Looking forward to it. Until then...

Well we're movin' on up!

I decided to stick around the islands just long enough to experience the Full Moon Party on Ko Pha Ngan. Basically, it's a giant dance party for about 10,000 people on one of Hat Rin beach. Think Appocolypse Now!... with fire twirlers, glow-paint, and DJ music. I'll take a boat over in the PM, and a boat back to Samui in the early AM. Then, on the 19th (right after I get back from the FMP) I fly to Bangkok and then to Chiang Mai. I decided, that, yes, I can only take so much beach and this trip would not be complete without a visit to the north. It wasn't in the original plan, but that's quite alright. I've always beleived that the best things in life come from a change of plans. However, in order to have a CHANGE in plans, you must HAVE a plan in the first place. Also, instead of staying two nights in Kanchanaburi (River Kwai bridge), I will do a day-trip from Bangkok on my last day, allowing for over a week in the north. So, yeah... movin' on up. Should be nice just hanging out up there. As for Samui, it pissed rain yesterday, so we played cards at our huts and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Today, I plan to get some beach time in and maybe go down south island for a snorkle. That's it for now.

When at Charlie's, Pay the Extra Baht

I was just about set to move to Lamai beach and find other lodging arrangements. I just couldn't take that room of mine. However, I followed the advice of one of the BootsnAll members on the message board, and paid the extra 200 Baht ($5 U.S.) for the upgraded room. Night and day. My toilet flushes. I have space for my things. The bathroom walls are tiled rather than dark and mucky. That said, I'll be staying out my Samui days at Cahrlie's Huts. So, I say it again... get the $500 baht room with a fan, and your life will be much better. The basic plan today, after a late night of hanging out in Soi Green Mango (a large, touristy plaza with bars), is to have some food, get a Thai massage, lay out on the beach for a bit, and relax with my book. And, speaking of the book... Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintanance is one of the greatest reads I've ever had the pleasure of taking on. Let's see... what else? Should be in Samui tonight and tomorrow, if I DO NOT go to the full moon party on Ko Pha Ngan. This island is starting to get busy as people pour in in anticipation of the party. Everyone, it seems, is going. I'm sure it's a great experience (once), but I'm still giving serious consideration to heading up north to Chang Mai. However, if I go to the FMP, I'll just stick around Samui and make a night trip out of it. Who knows. That's it for now. PS: despite the fear of bird flu, stick with the chicken. I ate meat last night and as soon as I ate it I knew there would be problems. Nothing major, but a little upset in the stomach. Cheers.

Ko Samui

To those of you who doubted my motorcycle abilities, let it be known that I kicked some serious ass on that thing. Piece of cake. My only issue came when I, um, ran out of gas. All that scenery and wind blowing past me sort of forced me to forget about that special little guage. However, a cute, little Thai girl ran down from her home and offered to take HER motorcycle to the petrol station to get me a liter of fuel for 30 baht - that's about 75 cents. I gave her a 100 baht bill, and she ran into her home. Super. A few moments later, she came back out, clad in her Muslim head-cover... guess she couldn't go into town without it. I sat outside her home with the rest of her family and watched some DVD until she came back. She fueled me up, I gave her some baht for her trouble, and was back on the road. Kind of a fun experience. Yesterday, I made it over to the large, white-sand island of Ko Samui. The ferry ride over gave us some of the finest scenery I have ever seen. The beach is nice, here, but it's totally over-developed. That being said, there was plenty to do. Last night, me and a British couple I met on the boat went out for Thai dinner and, later, beers. We hung out at this bar for hours, talkign and watching Ultimate Fighting on the TV. And, speaking of fighting, the plan for tonight is to check out some Thai boxing at the arena right by my bungalow. I'm staying at Charlie's huts on Chaweng Beach. Apparently, Charlie had no need for hot water or a flushing toilet... but, really, neither do I. Also, as far as looking into the future... I'm thinking I may shorted my stay on the islands, skipping the Full Moon Party, and just head up to the north so I can go on a hill-tribe trek and chill out with all the monks. One can only take so much sand... perfectly fine and white as it is. That's it for now.

Taking it Easy in Ko Lanta

Find Phuket on the map... then look a little east. There, you may or may not find the small, quiet island of Ko Lanta. It's totally dead right now as it is the off season, so I have much of these golden beaches to myself. It's great... for a couple of days. Yesterday, on my way over to Ko Lanta, I stopped in Phuket and Krabi. The highlight was checking out the Vegetarian Festival in Phuket Town. I guess getting out of Whoreville was also nice. Here in Ko Lanta, I woke up at 6am this morning and swam in the ocean with not a soul around... just a couple of dogs. Later, after breakfast, I rented a motorcycle and toured the entire island. Funny thing, I don't know how to ride a motorcycle. But, I figured it out - eventually. Without a doubt, this is the best way to travel in a place like this. I probably won't stay as long as I had planned because it is so quiet, but I will enjoy the peacefulness for a couple of days and then move on. Next item of business... read my book on the beach and do nothing. Tomorrow, I will take my cycle to the eastern shore and watch the sunrise before moving on. Cheers!

Finally arrived in Bangkok after over 24 hours of flying. On the plus side, I DID manage to watch March of the Penguins on my way over. My hotel in Bangkok, Majestic Suites in Sukhumvit, is nicer than I need, but it was pleasant to have a propper room after all that travel. Today's plan is to see the Grand Palace and a few other sites, riding the sky train and taking water taxis. Tonight I am meeting up with a family friend at 9, and tomorrow I plan to fly down to the islands. Until then, I'm just going to enjoy a good laugh as I view the local scenery. Basically, I'm in Whore-ville. Population: me. Whatever you've heard about Thai prostitutes being everywhere in areas like Sukhumvit... believe it.

And away we go...

I stayed up all night on Friday so I would be good and tired when I fly today for Thailand. The journey will consist of three planes. The first is an 11:30am flight from Atlanta to Minneapolis. My second flight, the big 12.5 hour mama-jama, takes me from Minneapolis to Tokyo. Finally, I'll fly from Tokyo to Bangkok, getting in at 11:50pm on October 9th. All in all, I'm looking at 22 hours of total flying time. So, like I said, being able to sleep is key. Fortunately, I was able to kill some time at Mike & Angelo's with Swami Gone Bananas - a local improvisational rock band. I spent the rest of Friday night watching Grateful Dead DVDs and packing. Speaking of... below is the official packing list for this trip. After all is said and done, I will go over this list again and revise it for others to use as a guide when planning their Thai vacation. But, here, in completely OCD-detail, is what I'm taking (it looks far worse than it is):

01. Kelty Redcloud 5600 Backpack
02. REI Duck's Back (100 L) -- Rain Cover for Pack
03. (2) Personal Info Sheets (Main pack & Day Pack)
04. Self-Care Supplies (In Ziplock Bags in Top Compartment of Pack)
04a. Shampoo (Travel Bottle)
04a. Body wash (Travel Bottle)
04a. Toothbrush (with Holder)
04a. Floss
04a. Small Toothpaste
04a. Listerine
04b. Sunscreen
04b. Off! Insect Repellent
04c. (2) Razors
04c. Travel Shaving Cream
04c. Toe Clippers
04c. Fingernail Clippers
04c. Tweezers
04d. Deoderant
04d. Small Hand Lotion
04d. Several Q-Tips
04e. (30) Daily Vitamins
04e. Various Pills for Aches and Colds
04f. (2) Tiny Gold Bond Bottles
04f. (2) Mini Purell Hand Sanitzer Bottles (Pocket Size)
04f. (3) Slightly Larger Purell Hand Sanitizer Bottles
04g. Small Quick-Dry Pack Towel
05. Money Belt
05a. $400 Cash
05a. Passport
05a. Driver's Liscense
05a. Debit Card
05a. Credit Card
05a. Old College ID (You Never Know)
05a. Healthcare Card
05a. (2) MARTA Tokens (Atlanta Subway)
06. Jansport Day Pack
06a. Journal
06a. Second Notebook
06a. "Feel This Book" (Terrible... will finish on plane and toss)
06a. "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
06a. "The Rough Guide to: Thailand"
06a. Pen
06a. Sharpie
06a. Mints
06a. Fake Wallet (Go ahead, steal it)
06a. Business Cards
06a. Work ID (Personal Reason... Not Necessary for Others)
06a. Digital Camera
06a. Extra Compact Flash Card
06a. (8) AA Batteries (for Camera)
06a. Old Beer Coozie (Hey, it's the tropics)
06a. Eye Shades for Sleeping
06a. Tiny LED Flashlight on an REI Caribeneer
06a. (2) Small Combo Locks (For Pack, After Flight)
06a. Rope-Style Lock for Pack
06a. Ugly Comfy Travel Socks (for the plane)*
06a. Headphone Splitter (So I Can Also Watch Someone's DVD Player)
07. Eagle Creek Cube: Red
07a. (5) Boxers*
07a. (2) Low Running Socks
07a. (1) Black Socks
08. Eagle Creek Cube: Black
08a. Nylon Cargo Shorts
08a. Green Bathing Suit
08a. Blue Bathing Suit
08a. AU Mesh Shorts
09. Eagle Creek Cube: Blue
09a. AC/DC T-Shirt
09a. Rapids T-Shirt
09a. Cerveza Imperial T-Shirt
09a. Hurley T-Shirt
10. Teva Flip Flops*
11. Old-as-Hell New Balance Runners
12. Eagle Creek Flat Fold
12a. Checkered Button-Down Shirt
12a. Brown Button-Down Shirt
12a. Long-Sleeve T-Shirt*
12a. Blue Jeans
12a. Cargo Pants*
13. Belt*
14. Sunglasses*
15. Extra Ziplock Bags
16. Roll of TP
17. Rain Coat
18. Booze for the Plane (I Hate Flying)
* Worn On Flight

Well, that's the packing list. If it seems light on clothes, that's because it is. I've read dozens of posts on the travel boards that say it's best to just buy some clothes once you get to Thailand. So, I plan to pick up a few things (and, now, I have storage space in the pack). Besides, random Thai t-shirts and cheap, linen beach duds seem more comfortable than whatever I have here. Anyway, as it stands, it is 6:54 in the morning. The roomies are asleep - I'm wide awake. Next update... A LONG TIME FROM NOW. Cheers.

New Backpack, More Last-Minute Things to Do

I lucked out - REI, as part of their fall sale, had the new backpack I wanted: Kelty Redcloud 5600. So, I exchanged my REI Mars Pack (which, when I inspected it at home, wasn't what I hoped it would be) and picked up a few other useful tools for my trip (i.e. chain lock, backpack rain cover, and a small LED mini flashlight). Then, I cruised down to the Book Nook and picked up a copy of Robert Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Seriously, how disgustingly heady can I get? Anyway, it's a book I've always wanted to read and I figured this would be a good trip for it. So, now that the big stuff is taken care of, I only have a few more minor things to do before I leave tomorrow - one of which will be checking out Swami Gone Bananas at Mike & Angelo's in Buckhead tonight. I never go to Buckhead (primarily because the collar of my polo shirts just won't flip up high enough), but I'll make an exception for M & A's to see Swami. Basically, they're a band comprised of extremely talented tye-dye clad dudes who wail out some terrific jams from the Grateful Dead, Allman Brothers, and a host of other improvisational rock groups. I plan to stay up all night to get my body nice and tired for the 22-hour flight to Bangkok, so it should be a fun way to kill some time.

Thanks, Big Red!

Not a bad way to start out my 28th year. The Arizona Cardinals managed to win last night in Mexico City, providing me with a joyous transition from being 26 to 27 years old. Yes, today is my birthday. Honestly, though, what with preparing for Thailand and trying to ignore the whole "getting closer to thirty" thing, I really hadn't been paying attention to the fact that this day was approaching. But, alas, it's here. I know that 27 really isn't that old, but I'm starting to feel it - my hair is starting to thin out on top, the bar scene is getting somewhat tiresome, and I found myself rather annoyed Saturday night by all the obnoxious young kids at the Allman Brothers show. That being said, I plan to plow into this new year of my life, this clean slate, with a positive attitude and general zeal for life... which is pretty easy to say when you only have to work three days this week. The Thailand clock is ticking - only five days to go.